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Love Advice For When
You're The Only One Trying
There is love advice for you even if you seem to be
the only trying to change your relationship. You really can make your
relationship better even if your mate doesn't seem interested in changing
anything at all. There are many ways to accomplish this, but one is the 4
Step Quick Change Method.
Step One: Get Clear on What You Want To Have Change. What is it that
would make the relationship better? Is it more sex? More communication? More
fun time? Less fighting and arguing? More quality time spent together with
the kids as a family? Less jealousy?
In this step you have to be as concrete as you can about the change you
want. The more concrete, the better. You want to paint a picture for
your mate of what you want. This helps them to give you more of that
behavior.
Step Two: Make an intimate request of your mate, being as concrete as
you can about the change you want. Don't say "We need to communicate
better." That is too vague and doesn't help your mate see what you
specifically want.
Instead, say something like "Instead of watching tv during dinner, can we
sit at the table and talk about our day?" Paint a picture of what you want
them to do differently.
Step Three: Allow your mate to answer in one of three ways. Yes, No,
or maybe, lets negotiate. Any of the three responses is okay. Just don't
accept being ignored or brushed off. You've made a specific request, expect
a specific answer.
Look, they may surprise you and just say yes if you have made an attractive
offer or request. Or they may want to counter-offer to talk while you go for
an evening walk or whatever. This is good, because you want your
request to work for them as well. And they may so no, but if so, it's
okay.
Step Four is how to deal with them if they say no to your request.
First off, you don't need to start screaming or stalk off in frustration.
Often times it will be a delayed yes, they will just eventually start doing
what you asked.
But you can honor their no in most cases and just ask again later that week.
When what you want is important to you, you can ask again and this can help
them move towards yes.
There is a lot more love advice on how to fix relationship problems "by
yourself," but this tool can get you started. You will find with a little
practice you can change your relationship when you are the only one who is
trying.
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